How to lose your ass and regain your life: reluctant confessions of a big-butted star

Dear Diary,
Decided to write book today.
Thought am good writer, am smart gal, have interesting sex-filled (lie) life.
Thought can write about men, life, love, family, food, sex, and fat assedness.
Thought can share stories with tiny-butted and big-butted alike.
Can tell people why fat, why (was) cokehead, why traffic jams and herbal laxatives don't mix, and why suede pants and sprinklers have same rule.
Can show smarts and ingenuity...(Note to self: should seek patent on ideas for multiple uses of triple-x elastic-waisted pants, and negotiate with airlines on new seating classes invented by self.)
More important...can show world how life is beautiful and funny, no matter size of butt.


There was once a girl named Kirstie Lou.
She dreamed that one day she would be a huge star. So she worked hard to achieve her dream--never suspecting just how huge she would one day become.
This is the story of her Tiny-Butted then Big-Butted then Tiny-Butted life...with true tales of men, mischief, loss, cocaine, suede pants, religion, chicken and noodles and family, all thrown into the pie.
Buon Apetito!

Alley's accounting gives readers and intimate look into her life while providing a hilarious view of being overweight in a skinny-obsessed world. Whether readers are struggling with weight or personal integrity - or if they're just looking for love and happiness - they'll identify with Alley's experiences. She tells it like it is and helps us laugh at ourselves (and others.)